Hey y'all... I know... long time no see... I wish wish wish I had some legitimate reason for not blogging like " I was in Paris!!! " or " I was helping a third world nation feed its kids"... no... its none of the above... I have been in a flux between getting ready for school and saying goodbye to my long lazy mornings of sleeping, drinking coffee, listening to "Watch What Crappens" (If you like "Real Housewives of ANYTHING.. listen to this podcast!! You will thank me) and going to Goodwill...
On top of that I have been trying to improve my relationship with my hubsband....everyone knows our relationship has had ups, downs, really downs, and up again... but I want to have something really meaningful for us... I want the separation we went through to mean something for us and make us stronger... We have been doing the 40 Day Love Dare... a book I got and it has an inspiring word and then an activity for you to do each day...
This is what I have discovered about myself so far....
I have this tendency (obsession) with having conversations with people inside my head... I have confrontations, play out the whole thing... now the other person I'm imaginary talking to doesn't really say anything.. its pretty much just me right up on my soap box going off and in my mind I'm a mixture of Norma Rae, Lt. Frank Slade (Scent of a Woman), Oprah, and Iyanla Vanzant.... but at some point I say to my crazy brain, "ok.. now that the confrontation's over.. what now???" and I have to let go of the feelings... this whole summer has been an imaginary conversation with Tim... my co worker who I got into a fight with last May... He and I have gotten into 3 other fights like this and theres always scar tissue that builds up and it definitely takes its toll... so I have to make the decision.. what now?? we work in the same place and I'm going to see him every day and what to do??? ugggggghhh... I don't know....
now what does this have to do with my love dare??? Last year at this time my hubs was living in Virgina and HE was the one who I was having the imaginary conversations with... now that hes here... I can talk to him in person... I have to replace the crazy irrational conversations I"m having with people with real life conversations with my hubsband... I have to put him really first in my life, my mind, my actions... I have to let go of these petty interactions with people and focus on my wonderful husband who I LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! if I replace the anger, the bitterness, the resentment, and replace it with gratitude for my marriage and my hubsband and my home, my family... I can be happy... I can let go.... I'm not all the way there... but I'm close....
and thats why I haven't blogged for a week...
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